your eyes staring, they're staring right through me

there's an innocent bird chirping on my window. the chirp must have been quite amusing, because everything seems twice more wonderful being seen while listening to it. the empty cup of my coffee, the absence of the footsteps around my doors, even the trashed plastic bags on my floor.

it was a little exhilarating, knowing something out there is effortlessly still making me smile. something unessential, something forgettable. while something, or someone else that means a lot, the essential and unforgettable ones, are moving to another direction. further, further away from my happiness.

there is the chirp and then there is the heartbeat. there is innocence and then there is guilt. there is a bird and then there is a guy.

drink up, baby, down

despite the long and deep deep thinking i should be doing, i decided to simply go with the flow for now. the only thing that makes it hard for me is how i could let myself to be the co-driver instead of taking the full control authority. you know.. just because i should be having no more interest in the idea of relying on someone else.

so it was a rather challenging week for me. thankfully, the lecturer took a decision to postpone the progress presentation to upcoming week. it at least gave me time to breathe the air a little. i swear i would talk all gibberish had it went as formerly scheduled.

my thoughts are still unconsciously wandering to some places i know it shouldn't be and the mood is still on the bumpy stage. which means, i could manage to get through few days smoothly but then i would need one whole day to hide under the blanket, facing the pillow and turn it to be extremely wet.

oh, one more thing. i keep having dreams at night. unpleasant ones. and it all had one thing in common, of course.

trust is, indeed, fragile

you see, forgiving one self is easy, what's actually hard is trying to put yourself back together after feeling completely left out and then bumped hard to the ground until you're crashed and burned. what's even harder is keeping the question of whether or not you could regain the strength to go back to the beginning, and forget. and the hardest one is... of course, risking yourself to get bumped to the ground once again.

what the hell is going on?

barely could chew a thing but at least it's glittery greeeeeeen!

so yeah, i'm back at bandung now, after spending the last four days at jakarta. primarily for the sake of...

oh yes baby, concert-going with them!

'cause it's all going off without you

what made last night so unforgetful for me was this very song...



and everything that was happening during then. :') God, i still feel like crying.