i painted it maroon, for me

 

yes, i was jobless and apparently am crazy about sheeps.

oh come on, sheeps?? for crying out loud...

i need a fine wine and you need to be nicer

well, it was. however i denied. it did feel like needles on the tip of my lips, it did sound much like silence. when i tried to reach for your fingers there, moving up and down as you breathed, nothing changed.

you said i wasn't trying as hard as you always did.. you did not exactly point out that i was the one to blame, but you kept making fun of how i, myself, put myself in it. or you. well, that doesn't matter much anymore now, does it?

i might not be on the top of anyone's lists of 'religious people', but i know guilt. and, not that i'm proud of it, i am feeling the shittiest guilt ever.

here. now. then. five minutes ago. an hour ago. when i took showers in the morning. when i sat behind the wheels. when i cursed for the unethical motorcycle drivers. when i did my assignments. when i bursted in laugh with my girlfriends. when i punched my friends for fun. when i ate my lunch. when i hated my figure on the mirror. when i ran in the middle of the rain.

everytime.

i felt it.

on... the lighter side.

the first week of midterm exam had ended. and seeing from the fact that the ugliest one had passed since the first day ended, it didn't exactly feel like midterm exam week for me. just the usual waking-up-early to catch up on today's due assignment, only more often.

not that it had really ended, though. i still clearly got one more paperwork of design concept for this semester's studio due on tuesday, 11 am.

i still have one piece of apple pie i bought at tizi while starving nearly to death in the middle of the road this noon. but it's been three days i haven't been able to eat properly for the sake of my monthly cramp (which turned out to be really really tormenting this time). i might just keep it for my tomorrow's breakfast. or brunch. or lunch. or 4pm meal. or dinner. that would be depended on how ugly the cramp turn out to be tomorrow.

and
i still got three more dvds to accompany me tonight.

delight, delight. :-)

LITE this

My brother got his opportunity to locally publishing his technological work on Nu Substance 2009. it's called "LITE", works like this:

translating the moving light into synthetizer notes.

or something like that.

the exhibition is still going, so visit! it's at CCF bandung. :-)

so proud of my brother!

oh giiiiirrrrrrlssss, please

 

 

giffa was a bad girl, she did not finish her waffles

fashion tv serves as my best back-up of itunes playlists

i am actually trying to make posts of pictures of some outings i had recently but my internet connection works slower than grannies before 12am and that kinda brought my mood to just type something randomly. of course, those pictures i was about to upload didn't consist of any sneak-peek of my few-hours-ago bikini wax. and that bikini wax is one thing i'm currently so happy about. most probably my best decision i have ever come up with.

so, yesterday i had my financial analysis midterm exam. nothing so interesting about that, of course, except the fact that... umm, no. there's really nothing interesting about that.

i'm still in the beginning of my exam weeks, anyway. still obviously got at least 3 more paperworks to do, one going.

i guess i am a little bit too proud of my academic life recently. pardon. that must be annoying.

you lose *confettis

a past is a past.
i never wished to get involved in anyone's past, unless if -- of course -- it intersects with one of my own past.

anyway,
the last week had been pretty time-consuming. all the studies and the assignments, you know how couple of weeks before the midterm always has been. nevertheless, i found myself an opportunity of leisure time with my dvd player (which i thought was broken all these times but turned out to be working just fine), bottled mineral waters, cigarettes, and me, sit/sleep-ing on the sofabed. oh it was heaven. :-D

and.. *scratching back of my head
i just realized how most of the time, i had the thought that it was necessary to get to know my bf's latest ex personally and, contradictorily, thought it was totally unnecessary to know the name of my latest ex's new gf.

just a thought, anyway.

a lemon, indeed

okay, i can't let a scene of 30 rock out of my head. the one where liz lemon mentioned how she was so afraid of living on her own because she could just randomly get choked and die of it because no one would be around to rescue her. dead for choking.

that scene used to be cynically funny for me. not anymore. okay? NOT-ANYMORE.

together we'll take off

if anything happens, we'll know what to believe. i just don't have enough courage and/or strength to hold on to it. but it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.

it does.

in a way only you and i understand.

don't wake me up

okay, so... my housemaid who had been loyal to the family for -- i'm not sure, around 5 years? -- managed to finally hit the escape button, or in short: ran away. it was the least thing i could ever expect, and yet it just happened.

anyway, i could do nothing but survive it. can't afford hiring a new one since it would be just as handful as me doing it by myself. well, believe it or not.

so yeah,
yesterday after having class from 7:30-11 a.m., i had to pay the water bills (turned out i had postponed paying it for two months :-P) and dropped last week's laundry. well, i managed to dropped and said 'hi!' and had a little chitchatty gossip with farin inbetween those, anyway. and then soon after i got home, the first thing there was to grab (by sanity) was: the broom.

well shortly, i did almost all the household works yesterday (well, except for cooking). and now i'm kinda thanking everyone for inventing household jobs, because by having to do it, i won't have to sign myself up to any sporting classes. good bye, pilates! :-D

oh anyway,
i am currently at jakarta now, for having a desperate need of someone to talk to at home. ha-ha. will be going back to bandung in approximately an hour from now, anyway. got a survey thing to do for marketing class.

err.. i still haven't been attracted to write posts in certain topics on this journal. that's why i still prefer to call it journal, anyway.

(and what the hell is happening to my internet connection why does it keep disconnecting me from the web by no reasons? grr. grr. grrr.)

oh, one more thing,
i had a very, very, very terrible nightmare last night. in my dream all i did was complaining and yelling all the shits out to DA (okay, in my dream he was the one to blame for everything, anyway). the dream was an absolute shock for me. most probably because i have never seen any visualization of me being crazily mad. it was monstrous. ...and yet it seemed so real. God, pls.