'you belong in the circus. not in theaters.'

she said, ‘later, when you are old enough to grow your nails, wise enough to decide which color to apply on them, careful enough to paint them pretty, and responsible enough to take a good care of them, right then, i will tell.’
‘i will tell you my most embarrassing story, so you will be able to put your head up, knowing that i had been on a point so low, way lower than anywhere you had been.’
‘i will tell you my worst mistake, not in order to let you repeat them and make you feel like it is okay to do, but to make you a brave person by realizing that nobody has ever been living their lives perfectly, not even me.’

when the time is right. when the time is right.

why is it that..

everytime the tendency of going insane went somewhere too near to the 'unbearable' level, the ONLY thing i went to mess up with of all the objects in the whole world would be: my hair.

hello for not so long

so, finally i woke up this morning feeling alright. the best shape i had ever been in the last couple of weeks. it could be two bottles of you c 1000 that i finished in a instant last night or something else. God knows.

ahems,

last wednesday was my second presentation. with a body feeling totally unwell and the unhelpful few hours of sleep before the time, i went and finished it. not so smoothly, of course. but at least i can consider it done.. for some short length of time near now. many many many many thanks to @odafidafio and @shebyricardo for being there and helping me getting prepared. kisses kisses kisses!

anyway, had done a few household thingies earlier. but i still haven't got the urge to take a shower until now ha-ha.

oh, apparently the middle part of our brains can help us to actually see things without having our eyes opened. and the tv-guy mentioned how it helped those 'well-trained' kids academically. nothing's amazing, dummy-o, it clearly helped them to cheat effortlessly.

seriously, television today bores me to death.

silver lining

honestly, I might be standing on a point where I would like to forget every whereabouts of how I'd gotten myself here. that's why I'll try to count and mention a few (VERY few, indeed) good things about it now:

I know now the easiest (and probably most pleasant) way to stop smoking and drinking.

I know now that me-with-an-excess-baggage-around-the-waist is not actually that ugly.

later on

I don't dare to say that I've passed the ugliest one, but at least I've worked my way out of it. not so nicely, though. let's just say.. it's over, by itsself.

I caught a cold right after my first final this semester. not the heavy one, just an all-day runny nose and me totally dozed-off under procold for literally half a day. plus the transsexual voice that's currently implemented inside my lungs, femmy said I sounded like some highschool-wannabes. yea right, whatever. at least the tomato soup did something helpful last night. ;-D

I welcomed this morning by watching 'clueless' movie on HBO. I could see brittany murphy before she lost some serious weight (and now her whole life, if I'm not mistaken, true?). haha, this movie was all about its title.

a shower would be nice, I suppose, so there I will go.

in the dark

I was feeling completely bloated and unable to move a single inch because of the super-sized lunch I just had when suddenly.. the electricity went down. fuck. you guys who admitted how you'd worked your asses off hard for the sake of this nation's electricity should really take those words back and shove it together on each others' asses. seriously if you have to let anyone live without electricity in their houses, you better at least shut it off at noon. be mindful. aargh.

on the fine line between

I was practically sure that I have reached a point where I could no longer compensate anything unrealistic, exaggerated, or in a much more simplified phrase: too-good-to-be-true. but then I found myself repeatedly keep holding on things that was too unstable, thus resulting in me, falling. was I compromising too much? was I being a silenced masochist to my own self? aren't we all? is it just me?
as my list of unanswered questions went too long, I realized that my life had been too-true-to-be-good. I hadn't had any breakdowns whatsoever and I kinda thought I couldn't have asked for anything more. this should've been enough.
...if only I were not only human, who always asked for something more from life. and to make it even worse, people judged me as a perfectionist, most of the time.
would it be too much to ask for perfection had I poured all my efforts? but then again, what is 'effort'? what is 'too much'? goddamnit.